AGM Mike just came over and offered me a Fanta someone left on top of the pop machine. I refused. It might have roofies in it. You can never be too careful.
Idiot: Anyone on the highway driving slower than me.
Maniac: Anyone on the highway driving faster than me.
If you will- a night in my private non-work life...
So, I went home to Duluth *again* on Friday. My favorite Bad Girl best friends and I were to go and see a friend’s small town rockabilly band play at some hole-in-the-wall bar Saturday night. I figure every once in a while it’s good to go and rediscover your provincial roots, throwing all decorum and decency out the window. Heck yes- let’s make a public scene.
Saturday started off well enough. I went to see my nephew’s basketball team which was freakin’ adorable. They were all around 8 years old and Mikey was the smallest kid on the team. But. Mikey makes up for his short stature, knowing he can probably get away with things on the court the bigger kids can’t. Elbows were flying as I danced gleefully at Mikey’s aggression- kill em! Woo! (Oh good god, I’m one of *those* people) Turns out I’m a ‘hot aunt’ too. That’s nice.
I was supposed to look up a bunch of people after the game and catch up and hold hands and all the jazz. And I was going to. I just needed to stop by the mall first. I had to! They were having a SALE! A good sale too:D Four hours later, I realized it was too late to see anybody else as it was time to go to Bad Girl headquarters. Oooh, sorry friends... But hey- s a l e.
We left for the bar at 7:30. Apparently that’s what they do here- I seem to have forgotten that... Let’s fast forward to 11pm. I’ve already been a little fuzzy and sobered up, I haven’t seen 2 of the bad girls since we’ve got here, and I’ve pretty much been sitting with our sober mommy-to-be all night long. I’m crabby, I’m tired. For the last hour I’ve been listening to the girls lament that every man I’m attracted to is a ‘homo-weirdo’ (they giggle and cover their mouths and apologize- ‘sorry, we mean they’re *artistic* and *unique* while rolling their eyes.) I don’t bother learning their boyfriend’s names. They only last for a week and they are all completely interchangeable.
Enter case study- Nick. Waiting to leave from the house, all I heard about was Nick. One the drive there: Nick. Over at the dart boards: freakin’ Niiiiick. Ooh, Kell- you should take him home. (And why the fuck is that? Answer: because he’s tall and you like tall guys, right?) At this point, Nick is presently trying to wrest a beer away from a 40-something barfly who is refusing to give it up. She’s never seen this guy before in her life. When he can’t get it out of her hand, he leans over and *licks* the neck of the bottle up to the rim. Guess it’s his now. The bartender tells us to clean this situation up. I tell him to boot his ass out in the snow- it makes no difference to me. Apparently this makes me a bad girlfriend. And a snob. I think I’m better than everyone else now.
About that time, Shoulder Bad Girl (completely sober) reared her ugly head.
I told them- even *if* I was interested in doing the whole dating thing now, I would never pick some homophobic, racist redneck hick who has no dreams, goals, or aspirations whatsoever. Some 30 year old man who works part time in a bar and lives with six of his friends... Hello? You guys know me better than anyone else in the world and you picked out this monosyllabic ape whose resume probably listed ‘can open beer bottles with my teeth.’ for me? Seriously.
And what the hell are *we* doing, guys? We’re too old for this boy-crazy bullshit. All you do is go to these bars and try and get some guy to go home with you- then when he doesn’t call you back, you bitch about how men suck. What *happened*?! We used to have things we were going to do and places we were going to see... The journey- an adventure, our *lives* you know? How can you be satisfied with this?
They just stared back blankly- totally closed off. I’m still a snob *and* a bitch now. At bar close, when we were walking out the door, Nick’s mom arrived to take him away. (I wanted to chase the car down, sobbing- ‘No! Don’t take my *boyfriend*’ but managed to restrain myself... ;) When I got to the house, I collected my things and left. So long Bad Girls... it really was... it was something in our day.
Bummer thing was- I told my mum that I had a place to stay in Duluth. So she locked down the house. I slept in my car for 3 hours in 20 degree weather. It was freakin’ cold. ;)
And now? Now... it’s good to be *home*.
fin!
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