In a handbasket.

Blind people have been congregating in droves around my apartment building. It’s an interesting sight- watching all those canes tap-tapping in unison whilst their owners are trying to navigate the slippery Minnesota tundra. Sometimes they aren’t in sync and the clickety-clacking echoes throughout the parking ramp, scaring the hell out of those not in the know. I’m terrified someone will mistake *his* click for *their* clack, tripping up and causing a pile-up 15 blind guys deep.

Saying this probably makes me a bastard. But I promise- I only giggled at the sight of them *once*.

Driving to work this morning, I was about to make my right towards downtown when I saw him. Lone blind dude walkin’ down the sidewalk. Now I swear- I saw him coming... I was nowhere NEAR the crosswalk. Herds of elephants had enough room to cross at that particular walk. Savvy? I may be a bastard but I don’t want anyone thinking I mow down the blind for fun in my free time.

Back to dude. This guy- he’s *tearing* down the sidewalk all badass-like. Sprinters would get lapped, bicycles left in the dust! His cane was slashing through the air so furiously, you could almost hear it whistle! He’s Rutger Hauer in Blind Fury! I’m talkin’ a ‘he may be blind but he don't need no dog’ sort of forward momentum! I hope we’re clear because I’m out of Blind Fury references!

Dude was fast. He was halfway across the intersection before I even had time to process how fast he was. And just about that time, for some bizarre reason he VEERED off course. Directly into the side of my car. Fuck.

You ever hear the racket a steel cane can make bashing about in a wheel well? It’s loud. Real, real loud. I tried to open my door but after an inch or so, was afraid I’d snap the cane if I wasn’t careful. “AHHH! OMG are you okay?!” He didn’t appear to be listening to me. I closed the door and rolled down the window, thinking I could get his attention better if I wasn’t speaking through the gap in the door. My requests to help were reduced to frantic pleas to stop as the whacking and grating drowned out my voice. It appeared he had decided to take out the cougar single-handedly and he wasn’t going to rest until the job was done.

Then suddenly- silence. It was over as quickly as it began and I was left sitting in my car, feelin' EPICfail. As I was watching him walk away, I began dreading the inevitable retaliation from the blind.

Oh well- at least I'll see it coming.